Our planet is populated with plenty of
bizarre and astonishing creatures.
Here are three from the Bat Family without the need for resorting to fiction.
Sucker-footed Bat
Red-Winged Fruit Bat
Left-Winged Ding Bat
People in Schuylkill County, Pennsylvania have a warped sense of humor...lol
It must be something in the coal-infused water.
This is the pull off at SR 61 and Adamsdale Rd.
A deer was hit there.
The couch was dumped there previously.
Day two the deer was on the couch.
Day three the end table and lamp showed up.
Day four the TV and TV stand showed up.
The Trooper had to call PENN DOT because of all the people stopping to take pictures.
The cardboard caption in front of the deer on the couch reads,
"Sorry Hunters.Obama ruined healthcare.We can't afford to have injured hunters on our conscience, so I'm staying home!
Sorry,the Deer."
A blonde in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude
and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him,
"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour
ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and
100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.
"She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."
"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."
The man smiled and responded, "You must be an Obama Democrat."
"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."
Dear Mom,
Our scout master told us all write to our parents in case you saw the
flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only 1 of our tents and 2 sleeping
bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were
all up on the mountain looking for Chad when it happened. Oh yes,
please call Chad's mother and tell her he is OK. He can't write because
of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search& rescue jeeps. It was
neat. We never would have found him in the dark if it hadn't been for
the lightning.
Scoutmaster Webb got mad at Chad for going on a hike alone without
telling
anyone. Chad said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he
probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire,
the
gas can will blow up? The wet wood still didn't burn, but one of our
tents did. Also some of our clothes. John is going to look weird
until his hair grows back.
We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Webb gets the car fixed. It
wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked OK when we left.
Scoutmaster Webb said that a car that old you have to expect something
to
break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance on it. We think
it's a neat car. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot,
sometimes he lets us ride on the tailgate. It gets pretty hot with 10
people in a car. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the
highway patrolman stopped and talked to us.
Scoutmaster Webb is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In
fact, he is teaching Terry how to drive. But he only lets him drive on
the
mountain roads where there isn't any traffic. All we ever see up there
are logging trucks.
This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out
in
the lake. Scoutmaster Webb wouldn't let me because I can't swim and
Chad
was afraid he would sink because of his cast, so he let us take the
canoe
across the lake. It was great. You can still see some of the trees
under
the water from the flood. Scoutmaster Webb isn't crabby like some
scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets.
He has to spend a lot of time working on the car so we are trying not to
cause him any trouble. Guess what? We have all passed our first aid
merit badges. When Dave dove in the lake and cut his arm, we got to see
how a tourniquet works. Also Wade and I threw up. Scoutmaster Webb
said
it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken, he said
they got sick that way with the food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he
got out and become our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to
get things done better while he was doing his time.
I have to go now. We are going into town to mail our letters and buy
bullets. Don't worry about anything. We are fine.
Love,
Your Son
Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today!"
Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut."
Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked, "Really, was
it small?"
Sally replied, "No, salty!"
A true story..
An elderly lady did her shopping and upon return found 4 males in her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice that she knows how to use it and that she will if required.... so get out of the car.
The 4 men didn't wait around for a second invitation but got out and ran like mad, where upon the lady proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the drivers seat.
Small problem, her key wouldn't fit the ignition. Her car was identical and parked four or five spaces further down.
She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station.
The sergeant that she told the story to nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter where 4 pale white males were reporting a car-jacking by a mad, elderly, white woman......no charges were filed.
A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.
The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."
The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."
The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings."
The bear goes to the end of the bar, and as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.
The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."
The bear says, "I'm not on drugs."
The bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."
Hi, honey, it's Daddy," says Bob. "Is mommy near the phone?"
"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with uncle Frank."
After a brief pause, Bob says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!"
"Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!"
"Okay, then. Here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mommy and Uncle Frank that my car's just pulled up outside the house."
"Okay, Daddy!"
A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.
"Well, I did what you said, Daddy."
"And what happened?"
"Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and now she's all dead."
"Oh my God ... And what about uncle Frank?"
"He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool, but he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's dead too."
There is a long pause, then Bob says, "Swimming pool? Is this 854-7039?"
WOW! What A Snake
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